I checked my watch again as i zoomed my faithful Maruti800 in the parking lot of Dr. Ambedkar Bhawan only to meet a formidable army of mercs, fords and other higher varieties of automobiles which i had forgotten existed any longer, since i saw them in the trump playing cards at skool.
The occassion?
A play by Lillette Dubey being staged, play called "Sammy!!"
The time was 7:20 , and i heaved a sigh of relief to be on time, as the people looked at me and wondered to see what a Maruti800 was all about, perhaps it was some sort of a homemade car with grandmother's recipes. Anyways, i managed to put on some basic attitude and ran up the stairs (the lifts were jam packed with girls, women and ladies..in that order..of all shapes and sizes, and even if i had shameless tried to jam in, the noxious fumes of exotic perfumes would have killed me sooner than later)..so i decided to hit the stairs.
My decision helped me survive for some time, till i hit the first floor and saw the celeb world open in front of me, there were people and then there were people. i dint know any. Once, i thought i recognized a lady, but all of them looked so similar, i stopped wracking my memory cells and stood in a corner to observe the commotion. there was a lot of talk... about the play? i doubt....there were guys, hmmm....divided roughly into three brackets..the normal , the abnormal , and the supernormal...unfortunately, the first grid hardly had any one except me ( i reserve the right to slot myself, as the writer of the blog), the abnormal..hmm....there were school children....guys who had just entered 11th standard (measured by their moustaches and dressing sense - shirts with jeans and a black belt), guys who had just joined a college, ..wearing new nike shoes with some t-shirt with funky messages, gelled hair, and yellow teeth) ...but the majority of gentry was stacked in the category of the supernormal; a brief description:
- men between 35-72
- sexually frustrated, married to nagging wives and fathering ill-mannered kids
- having IQs below 41, rich, wealthy and powerful
- drinking and bathing with expensive perfumes (shucks....i could puke)
- having all possible credit cards with obnoxious credit limits in leather wallets
- white shoes (hehe..), with brown trousers and red shirts with the top button open allowing their chest hair to show beyond the limits of physical primitivity
- flirting with any and every other women (from kaam wali bai to blonde babes)
Surprisingly, though the fairer sex was present in much more motley shades and oozing fashions, there descriptions would not be spread again the categories. The observations were so starkingly uniform , they would send any market research analyst into terrifying tailspin. The co-relations were amazingly similar. As usual, the description:
- Most having strands of white hair,or dyed hair, coloured hair, discoloured hair, horse hair and the like.....
- Thick layers of lipstick ( no wonder i lost a bet with my friend, when i thought that the market for lipsticks in india was limited)
- Talking about something, God knows what , laughing at their own jokes, and slighly brushing their arms and shoulders with the guys/men of the third category as if signalling the cracking of a joke.
- Revealing cleavages (for those in sarees), short skirts (for those in skirts)..overall : "helpless attire"
- I had stopped looking at them
It was 7:47 by my watch and the play hadnt started as yet. I sat down. Many women sat down. They hadnt thought of it before. I grinned only to see a 73 yr old woman staring at me (how 73?..i bet she was greater than 70 ans less than 75). I stared back as i had nothin to do, and she lost interest.....borrrrring!!!...
The gates opened...and she got up and blocked the gate, taking a few turtle steps and landed in her place...i checked my ticket and sat at an arbit aisle seat i could find...far from the madding crowd...
...the play commenced @ 8pm sharp...we were as usual requested to switch our bloody mobiles..we obliged....except the gentleman at the leftmost corner who was having a teleconferencing on how the indian economy would benefit if reliance was to go global, and how good he was at chess with the white set!...finally, after a few stares and louder-than-usual groans he had to silence the talk which could have added a few billions to india's GDP.
The play was on Mahatma Gandhi, and ofcourse the conventional freedom struggle (which i came to realize at the end of the play) ...The cast as was being announced had some dude playing as MK Gandhi, and another gentleman playing the role of Mahatma ...i guessed the existence of anter-atma was there in the play..and i was right...
The actors were good!
The gentlemen playing the britishers were really wonderful. Infact they could have give the real british blood a run for their money. But there was a bit of problem.
The guy playing "the mahatma" looked like .... L K Advani...ya ..serious!!...no kidding...and he giving tips on dharma and karma to Gandhiji couldnt fit my historical and political schema...it was so funny!...and i think he had a stiff body and a stiffer back...i guess i gave a slighly louder laugh on thinking about the same without realizing...a few heads turned and i realized that the topic of jalianwala bagh was going on...which was no laughing matter...another few moments of historical repetitions were repeated...and we had reached an argument between Jawaharlal Nehru and MA Jinnah....man, Jinaah was huge and for a moment i thought Gandhiji should not intervene between him and Nehru, as our Jinnah was physically quite capable of smashing both their heads together...
...sorry for sounding so violent and insulting....but its so difficult to control what your mind thinks and what your eyes see!...well...another question, why was Mr.Nehru having an accent which would put Julius Ceaser to shame....at times i thought he was addressing me (as i was sitting on the second last row)...and perhaps his only defence againt the 6'2" Jinnah....well, that was that...
...all this while there was some sort of distraction from the last row..a couple of middle aged women sitting behind me....after every word of gyan advani...i mean...mahatma would say...they would start clapping..and say," He was a great man!"...i was impressed by their devotion...
.....it was 9:00 and i had heard that mahatma was a great man almost 8 times now...i was getting restless...not that i was feeling jealous that i wasnt great enuf...but then every five minutes my ears would start anticipating the words, and would get irritated if they were not spoken...
Intermission! ...sigh of relief!...women got up....took out hair brushes from their respective bags, a couple who passed by my seat were talking about how spotted red bikinis were a rage in Goa this new year...i wasnt impressed ...expecially when just five minutes back Gandhiji was assiduously spinning the charka and advocating something on swadeshi, etc....
I moved out to get some fresh air..but there was none....the chainsmoking ladies were smoking circles out of their facial chimmneys...i hit the loo, to find some solitude...and returned back to my seat...the play started...act two...the announcer said something...but before she could say anything the ladies interrupted her, " He was truly a great man!"...and I almost pulled my hair. ...I was lying there helpless for till the hour of india's and my independence....
...and i could see some people moving out already...where they were going ...i couldnt care..perhaps another one of those rich social gatherings where they could drink booze, smoke cigs, talk about taboos, get laid in loos and go home feeling satisfied with the days socializing!!..
...as the show came to end, and the actors gave a customary bow...lilette quickly appeared on the stage....to stop the exodus, claim her love for bangalore city and the audience, how she loved to perform ,etcetra...i could still hear her speak as i rushed to the door..and fresh air rushed towards me....God, what pretence!!!
A friend asked me how the play was. I couldnt describe it. I thought for a while and said,"I feel free".
